Level 23 at the Sheraton

So I was at Level 23, the bar/club on the 23rd floor (natch) of the Sheraton Hotel off Dong Khoi in District 1.  It's one of the few places in town where one can grab drinks in mixed company, out on the town discussing work b.s.

Like all hotel bars around here, the house band is an imported lot.  It had been a while since I've been there, so I didn't know that the rather enjoyable American-based cover band, with their Jamaican lead songstress, had finished their 6 month gig.

When I saw the bassist in my local KFC picking up some chicken for lunch, and trying to pick up a fellow customer who was eating with her infant son, I didn't know it was the last time I would see him.  I was paying him some attention because there are very few African-Americans in town on business - they're usually here as tourists, while the black business folks are from the UK and its former colonies, or African blue collar workers.  Another customer, this one a local dude in his 50s or so, hit on the KFC female staff three decades his junior, and got her number!  I didn't know KFC was such a hopping joint.       

Anyhow, the new cover band seemed to have hailed out of Europe.  One of the guitarist is from Sweden, but he wouldn't play ABBA!  They do the same cover songs as the previous band, but they kinda suck at it.  It sounded more like an enthusiastic company karaoke night, than a professional cover band.  Particularly funny was a rendering of the Nelly Furtado/Timbaland hit, Promiscuous Girl, by a duo that looked more like blond Kelly Clarkson and Moby.  The Moby-lookalike doing an Akon song was enjoyable as well.    

Too bad that wasn't the highlight of the night.

I left pretty early because I'm not a big fan of American Idol.  So I got to the elevator and another guy was leaving as well.  As I wait for the elevator, he starts bitching at the Sheraton staff, calling them "dogs" in English and telling them to 'come here like little dogs'.

Alright, I understand that it can be easy for some people to get upset at the local staff, more so at places where they serve you alcohol.  But there is appropriate cursing and there is shit that is out of line.  I'm a New Yorker, cursing is second nature.

You can throw as many f-bombs and motherfuckers around, but you don't call people certain things unless you want your ass beat.  Don't call someone a monkey.  And don't call someone a dog, especially an Asian person.  The signage referenced below in Bruce Lee's flick may be an anachronism, but, if you are of a certain age, then it's part of your understanding of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable.

You don't call someone a dog in this context without intending to attach its most vile meaning - after all, the reason Dottie Pepper's quote is so funny is because (a) it was an on-air gaffe during the Solheim Cup (women's golf version of the Ryder Cup, for you non-golfers out there) and (b) she's such a goody-too-shoes that she didn't use the term she wanted to use, which was "bitch," to refer to the US women golfers.  This dude was not trying to avoid saying bitch.             

So I kindly told him to not use such language, and it escalated to me cursing at him.  Dude was some American (tourist?) who was upset because he was being kicked out of Level 23.  Man, this is Vietnam, it's like 9:30-10pm on a Friday night - what kind of royal asshole must you be to get booted from an expat bar at such time and place?

It was pretty fun cursing at someone on another's behalf.  So a fun night all around.      

Vietnam's Netflix

So recently I wanted to get some bootleg DVDs - normally not my thing because I enjoy going to the movies here.  It's reasonably priced enough, and I still am amused by being able to grab a beer from the theater's concessions stand.  Yes, higher-end movie houses in the States allow you to do this too, but here it is normally priced.

I wanted to see Red Cliff, the new John Woo flick, but they only subtitle it in Vietnamese locally.  Likewise, I saw Wanted here, but I had a distinct feeling that a scene or two was cut, so I wanted the DVD bootleg to check it out.

Went to a convenient DVD place, made my purchase and joked with them, asking if I can just bring this stuff back to them.  Normally, with the few boot DVDs I've had, after watching I try to pass it to someone who can use it.  It's not so easy to find such a person, and putting it into the trash seems so wasteful.  

I was trying to tell the DVD store's staff that I just wanted to give it back to them, so that they can recycle it, after I was done.  Thankfully, they misunderstood me, 'cause they said, yes, I can bring it back, to get 50% store credit.

Sweet - it's like the Vietnamese version of Netflix or Blockbuster.  A brick-and-mortar video rental service, at 5,000VND per disc.  Not bad at all.  Besides the copyright infringements, that is.  

The staff also told me that all the discs, the color photocopied liners, etc. come from China, thru Hanoi and down here.  They all get hand packed in the stores here, but the production is outsourced to China.  Just like the bootlegs back home.         

Nearing the Olympics

It's a few days until the opening ceremony for the Beijing Games; I'm looking forward to it because I'm a bit tired watching all these X-Games reruns on the ESPN they show over here.  There is also a lot of EPL preseason and even wheelchair basketball on TV the last few days - who knew that wheelchair basketball was a big thing in South Africa?  It's a bit amazing that Murderball was such a hit a few years back in the US, yet, for all the ESPN channels, you will never, ever catch wheelchair basketball on TV in the States.  I think there was about four hours of coverage of some wheelchair league over the past couple of days on SuperSport, the Pan-African sports channel.

The good thing about being on this side of the world is that I'll be saved from the syrupy NBC coverage of the Games, and the 12 hour tape delay.  I'm sure I'll catch a lot of coverage on CCTV.  I wonder if CCTV, China's State Owned television, will be blacked out in the US due to NBC's broadcasting rights.  

Finally, for Vietnam's side, the local press seems to intimate that the team may be competitive in sports such as judo and weighlifting, particularly the women's side.  Dunno how accurate that is.  

Perhaps the Vietnamese diaspora will bring home a medal or two.  From this joke post on Deadspin, I discovered that Team USA has two members of Vietnamese descent, Amy Tran (field hockey) and Howard Bach (badminton).  Go Team!    

Cantopop Movies

Unless you set up a Slingbox, or buy tons of bootlegged DVDs (I've done neither, unfortunately), living overseas means watching foreign TV.  

The English language channel selection that I get in Saigon is about twice what we had in Hanoi - here I'm getting Cinemax and HBO, as well as the usual culprits, Star, Discover, Nat Geo, ESPN and the African sports channel, Super Sport.

I've supplemented that English mix by watching korean shows on KBS, Chinese movies (mostly in Cantonese w/English subs), and once in a blue moon Vietnamese versions of British gameshows (1 v. 100, Who Wants To Be A Billionaire in VND, etc. etc.)

The fun KBS shows are all 'reality' type of shows. Not survivor style, but more like documentary/Oprah-style shows delving into common folks' daily lives.  There are a few recurring themes of the KBS shows: 

(1) daily economic struggle of the Korean working class - I saw a show about a family that had 6 y/o twins who made their money selling homemade kimbap (Korean style sushi rolls) to morning commuters.  Seemed like a tough life.  The kids had their birthday party on the show.. their parents got them each a pencil case for school.  The kids really liked it.  I remember when a pencil case was a nice gift, but I also remember my nephews getting things like a N64, Gamecube, PS2, Wii, PS3, etc. 

(2) how cross-cultural marriages, mostly between Korean men and foreign brides, function, from the wooing stage to years on.  One show was about how Korean men in various stages of their relationship with Vietnamese foreign brides - the guys were going to a language center to learn the language prior to going overseas, or a married guy was learning to speak better so he could speak to his father-in-law over the phone.  They filmed a phone conversation and typically, and hilariously, the entire limited discussion was about whether each side ate yet!  Another episode was about the foreign brides' families visiting their daughters in Korea.  Frankly, it was a bit amazing to see the diversity of the foreign brides - the Philippines, Mongolia, India, Nepal, Uzbekistan, etc.  Vietnam is a (relatively) large net exporter of brides to Korea - I met a caddy who's sister was happily married there, though her family hadn't physically seen her in about 5 years - but in the last 6 months the Government here temporarily stopped issuing visas for such travel because of shady bride purchasing promoters.  

(3) how young married Korean couples are doing - it would be interviews of newlyweds, to probe their emotions before and after marriage, with the overarching theme being "marriage is a good thing."  Are young kids in Korea putting off marriage that much that TV needs to encourage such couplings?          

But the best thing on the non-English channels has to be the cheese-a-rific Canto-pop movies.  Charlene Choi, Gaile Lok, oh my!  Some Cantonese speakers complain about these silly movies, with their simplistic plot lines and over the top acting, but when one is reading subtitles, simple story lines and exaggerated motions really help one along.  And the pre-Kung Fu Hustle work of Stephen Chow is laugh out loud enjoyable too.  But he's not cutesy enough to link to.  

So ditch the DVDs and check out the foreign language stuff on the tube.     

Where's My Trailer?

This is a picture of the closing credits to Iron Man.

A bit ago, feeling a mentally tired, I ditched work and headed to the
Megastar Cineplex out in District 5 at the Huong Vuong plaza. As
compared to the one in the Vincomon Hanoi, this one has fewer theaters
but they are a bit bigger individually.

Saw about a third of the movie before I realized that I wasn't
mentally tired, I was just straight up tired and falling asleep. So I
walked out while taking a call on my phone. Would rather be perceived
as an ass who walks out because of a call rather than an ass who
doesn't like Iron Man.

A few days later I went back, this time to the Galaxy Cinema, which is
in District 1. It is not as nice as the Megastar and the opening
inhouse production skit to remind you to be quiet, no smoking, no cell
phones, etc. was a horrifically funny rap number that revolved around
the concept of being a "cultured moviegoer."

Saw the movie, which was pretty good. I am surprised at how quickly
these summer blockbusters are being released over here. Iron Man was
released within two weeks or so of the US release date. Last year,
Transformers and Spiderman and things like that were a month or two
behind. Progress, eh? Or is it just a Saigon vs Hanoi thing?

So why was I taking pictures of the closing credits? Well, in the
States they show a pretty interesting trailer after the movie -
something about The Avengers - so I was waiting around for it while
the rest of the audience left. I was still hangin' about when they
made a cleaning sweep thru the aisles. And then disappointment washed
over me as the screen just went blank. Bummer. The opening rap number
does not really make up for it.

Dinner and a Movie

Coming back to my rental pad, which has a strict 12:30 curfew, wherein they seal the front doors with an industrial, roll-up metal gate, I stopped by the banh mi sandwich guy next door. I was thinking of eating at the local sit-down, open-till-late, Chinese noodle shop this evening, but I didn't want to upset (and wake up) the curfew guardians any more than necessary, for it was a bit past 12:30 already.

.

The street was unusually lively tonight - this part of town gets pretty quiet after 11-ish pm, save for the strolling couples shacking up for an evening.  There were lots of people about, and the fancy Chinese restaurant down the street was still open for some reason. 

A quick look around, some attempts at reading the banners on the buses, realizing that the tall, slim women walking about were unaccompanied. led to the conclusion that I stumbled upon a movie set.  The bus above, and the other ones parked along the road, served as the actors' trailer.

I got talking to the sandwich guy.  He was a bit amused by all the actresses walking in front of his staked out slice of pavement.  He didn't really care for the actors, who were not much different from the gaffers on set.  I don't think anyone - either cast or crew - patronized his eatery that evening.

He told me, proudly and for good reason, that he's been here "since the French."  You know a Vietnamese person is old when they are referencing the French.  He was older, but the French era was 60 years ago and he didn't look *that* old.  So of course I playfully challenge him on this, and it turned out that he and his father/family, have sold banh mi in this spot since the French.  What a view of history that must've been.  

In the time it took to make me two banh mi, two other customers, folks north of 50 years old, rode up on their motos. I gather with time comes a steady customer base. My Vietnamese is rather poor, so I missed most of the jokes concerning the actresses, but it was an interesting interchange nonetheless. The sandwiches.. well, I've had better. But it was worth it for the conversation.

No Madness in March

So I've written before about the lack of recognizable US sports on the
tube around here in Vietnam. A second March has me revisiting the topic.

I missed yet again all those 'one shining moments' but I guess it's
not the most important thing to miss about the States, and I am not
exactly tolerable when I'm watching a marathon sports session.

Again, as previously noted, one can get live boxing fights that would
be ppv in the US - saw Mayweather dissect Hatton and will be getting
up early to see a 43 year old Bernard Hopkins box tomorrow.

However, most concerning is that my mainstream sports withdrawal has
caused me to watch soccer and cricket! I freakin' know what the heck
an "over" and a "lbw" is (hint: Twenty20 is at least tolerable).

And with help from a dash of insomnia, I watched most of the first
half of the final leg in the Arsenal - Liverpool triology. That foul
in the box was bogus (on replay obviously)!

Soccer would be more enjoyable if the players didn't wuss out on fouls
and complain about playing three 'fixtures' in a ten day period. Half
the time during a match they are jogging around - I want to see how
they would handle an NBA sked.

Best Advertisement in Vietnam

Local media buys are sloppy, lazy and derivative. This advert, which runs prior to the opening credits at the movies, is pretty funny.



This was recorded about one month after it started to be shown locally. The first few times the audience saw this, the entire theater laughed. Or at least giggled a bit.

The joke is lost on ya if you don't understand Vietnamese, and never dialed a busy cellphone here. Basically, the adcopy, in the tone and style of a Viettel busy signal announcement, says 'the person you are calling is unavailable because they are sitting in a movie theater, please call back later.'

At The Movies in Hanoi

As mentioned earlier, Hanoi has a pretty nice movie theater that caters to those who are willing to listen to English movie soundtracks, or the odd Korean movie and its soundtrack. The theater, MegaStar, is quite popular and and can help you learn to read Vietnamese, by following along with the subtitles. We go there often because frankly, there is very little to do other than sit around and drink beer for cheap in Hanoi. We're getting too old for that.

Here is a list of the summer movies that we've seen:

• Spider-Man 3
• Shrek the Third
• Transformers
• Pirates: World's End
• Bourne
• 300 (dl)
• Simpsons (dl)
• Knocked Up (dl)
• Live Free or Die Hard
• Blades of Glory (dl)
• Ocean's 13
• Ghost Rider
• Norbit
• Disturbia
• Shooter

As you can see, we 'only' used means other than paying for a movie ticket to watch four movies on this list. IP piracy is very accessible in this part of the world, so why aren't we watching dollar DVDs? Well, we would, except that a locally made DVD player that we bought (new) does not work. And unlike the States, you can't return anything, even defective goods. You can only send it back to the manufacturer - as I have no idea how to receive mail, much less send it, this $50 foray into accessing bootlegged films died a quick death. Oh well, the movie experience is better anyhow. You can buy a Heineken for 20k VND at the theater.

MegaStar just this week opened up a location in HCMC, in District 5. It reportedly cost $4.2mm, which sounds pretty darn cheap actually. HCMC has more theaters, but the one we went to, in Diamond Plaza, was not nearly as good as MegaStar.

And the staff there sucks - we went and bought tickets for Die Hard 4.0. Unbeknownst to us, it turns out they had both a Vietnamese dubbed version at 9 and the non-dubbed English soundtrack at 9:30. We got the 9 o'clock show and, after the opening trailers, realized the movie was dubbed. We went outside and tried to get the situation rectified, but they wouldn't do anything for us. Wouldn't let us come back for the later show. That is some horrible customer service.

Being bored cheapskates, we watched it anyhow. Besides being disappointed that the "D.C." scenes were mostly not of D.C., we really enjoyed the movie. Probably the best one of the list, 'cause of the low expectations. Worse movie may have been Transformers.

AFC Cup Action

Ok, not so much Asia Football Cup (AFC) action as is post-AFC action. This is what the streets of Hanoi looked like after Vietnam, one of the 2007 AFC host countries, surprisingly took down the UAE 2-nil in an opening round game.



This intersection is close to Hoan Kiem lake - there was much more traffic circling the lake, but my phonecam wasn't ready for that action.

We're not soccer fans at all, but I think we'll try to make one of the next two opening round games (versus Qatar and then Japan). Tickets were 40, 60 or 100k but at this point they'll need to be scalped. Lowest prices are about 120k right now, more when it gets closer to game time (at My Dinh Stadium, out in the Western 'burbs from the city).

Vietnam's top rapper, a 16-year old teen girl going by the stage name Kim, recorded a song for Nike (for free! c'mon, embrace the market economy already) to mark the AFC. I would embed it, but dunno how. You can find it at Nike's site, Choi Het Minh, which roughly translated means "play with all your might." She's more bubble-gum rap, and sorta average at that, but she earns an "A" for enthusiasm and marketing.

HmL, don't ya wish ya were here?

Five Reasons Why Apple iPhone Will Fail

As the hubbub of Apple's iPhone previewing dies down, folks are looking a bit beyond the snazzy interface. After inital interest on my part, here are five reasons why Apple will not be the company phone:

1. Cannot buy "unlocked" phones and hacks to unlock will be tamped down by boots from Cupertino - monopoly is not just a Redmond thing;
2. Won't sell to Europe till Q42007, Asia till 2008 - largest phone markets will snap up Nokia and HTC catchup models instead;
3. No 3G - just (the) EDGE, in 2008? I've always disliked U2;
4. You can't install software on it - no Skype for you (or Office, Outlook);
5. Non-user-replaceable battery - only meant for power(ed-by-USB cable) users.

That's a short run down of why I believe the iPhone, in its current specification, is not culturally sensitive to the business sector, a group that has an appetite for expensive communication devices. P.S. RIMM closed at 133 today.

Best. Game. Ever.

2007 Fiesta Bowl: Boise State - Oklahoma. Too bad I didn't catch it live on the tube, but I gather this is how I'll experience American sports for the next two years.



The Superbowl is on Feb. 4, 2007. I wonder if there will be local broadcasts of it; if not, I'll resort to solutions like SOPcast and this Streaming NFL Games guide.

Things to do in Hanoi

I found this list at the APEC Conference website, giving conference attendees the low-down on what to do while in town. Obviously, it's geared towards business visitors and polticos, but I thought it would be informative and valuable nonetheless. Because I expect to lose my bookmarks when transitioning overseas, I'm throwing it up here so I can find it again later on.